The New Year is upon us and I hear lots of chatter about these resolutions. In my opinion, they are wasteful because most people don’t remember them. I have one resolution – Don’t have resolutions!!! I’m not saying not to plan your next year of success and prosperity, but don’t plan it if you’re not going to stick with it.

I’ve heard resolutions from quit smoking to join the gym. Most, if not all, revolve around human betterment, but 99% of people (and those are my statistics) don’t follow them after two weeks into the new year.

Here are some resolutions that are the typical type, and to follow are some resolutions that we would love come to pass, but will never see the light of day. Enjoy!

  • Spend More Time with Family & Friends
  • Exercise Regularly
  • Tame the Bulge – Start a diet
  • Quit Smoking
  • Enjoy Life More
  • Quit Drinking
  • Get Out of Debt
  • Learn Something New
  • Help Others
  • Get Organized

And now for the funny ones:

  • Toy manufacturers wil resolve to make it possible to get toys out of the packaging in less than 30 minutes without having to use scissors or other devices to release the toys from their boxes.
  • Smart phone manufacturers will resolve to develop devices with solar-powered batteries (like calculators have), so you don’t have to recharge so often.
  • Government agencies that require calories to be displayed on restaurant menus will resolve to pass laws allowing restaurants to hide the calorie counts during the holidays.
  • Cell phone and smart phone manufacturers will resolve to start running TV ads reminding customers that it’s rude to answer the phone, send a text, or check who’s calling while you’re talking to another person.
  • App developers will resolve to develop a location-based app that automatically turns off an electronic device when its user is in a place of worship, a theater, an auditorium, or other places where ringing and buzzing noises are distracting.
  • Hotels will resolve to multiple, reachable electrical outlets near desks or tables so that guests have an easy way to charge all of their electronic devices at one time.
  • Webster’s dictionary editors will resolve to add the term “5 minutes” and define it as a period of time that can last anywhere from one hour to half a day.
  • Retailers will make it easier to match up the identification numbers on receipts and gift receipts to the identification numbers and bar codes on the labels of purchased merchandise.
  • Electronics retailers will resolve to print receipts – particularly those that have information required for extended warranties – on sturdy paper with ink that won’t fade.
  • Clothing retailers will resolve to ban anorexic-looking models from their ads and catalogs.
  • Your spouse will resolve to tell you what they really want for a gift instead of saying “I don’t know,” or “I don’t need anything.”
  • Home repair contractors will resolve to finish up one home remodeling project before leaving it to work on others.
  • Home repair contractors will resolve to tell their customers that one week (as in, “We’ll be able to complete that in a week.”) may consist of 20 to 30 days.
  • Fashion designers will resolve to design lines of stylish clothes for men and women over age 50.
  • The “get rich” gurus will resolve to tell their customers the truth: that the way they make most of their money is by selling gullible dreamers information about how to make money.
  • Superstores will resolve to hire enough cashiers so it doesn’t take twice as long to check out as it took to shop.
  • Supermarkets will resolve to put bread, dairy and frozen foods near the front of the store instead of at the furthest possible location from the entrance and cashiers.
  • Search engines will resolve to tell websites why they are being banned or dropped from search listings.
  • Internet opportunists will resolve to stop spamming blogs and social media with links to products they sell or events they are promoting.
  • Women magazine editors will resolve to stop running pictures of whipped-cream coated desserts and cherry-topped, double-chocolate, raisin-nut brownies next to the “Lose 10 Pounds in Two Weeks” headline on their front covers.
  • Airlines will resolve not to blame cancellations on the weather when there are no weather problems anywhere along the flight path.
  • Airlines will admit the real reason they are cancelling the 2:30 flight and the 4:30 flight is so they can save money by squeezing as many people as possible onto the 3:30 and 5:30 flights
  • Computer manufacturers will resolve to build machines that won’t become obsolete in two years.
  • Hardware support representatives will resolve to stop telling customers “It must be the software.”
  • Software support representatives will resolve to stop telling customers “It must be the hardware.”
  • Airlines resolve to rearrange their seating so (a) your knees don’t hit the seat in front of and (b) you can open the cover of your notebook computer even if the person sitting in front of you leans their seat back.
  • Computer “consultants” and repair technicians resolve to return your calls after they’ve collected their fee.
  • Businesses, hospitals, and public buildings resolve to hang “no perfume” signs next to the “no smoking” signs.
  • Hardware and software manufacturers resolve to include comprehensive paper manuals with their products and make them big enough to find on a book shelf or in a file drawer.
  • Consumers resolve to read and follow the manual or instructions shipped with the product.
  • The phone company resolves to add a new service named Call Tattle-Tale which would alert callers that the person they called really is in the office and able to take calls.
  • Job applicants will resolve to learn how to spell and proofread.
  • Your spouse will resolve to record all checks he/she writes in the check register at the time they are written.
  • Stove manufacturers will resolve to include instructions that warn: Do not operate while the Internet is running.

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