• Rosemary posted an update 3 years, 4 months ago

    Dear adoring fans,
    Ok I was kidding about the adoring fans. But I am gorgeous. My name is Renee Nichole Hill. I was born April 15, 2002. I was born on Tax day so my dad would call me the devils daughter. My moms name is Renee Nichole Devault. My dads name is Robert Wayne Hill. I have two blood siblings. My sister is Karista. But I call her Crissa. My sister was born in 2006. I haven’t seen her in seven years. But last time I saw her, she was short with short blond hair and green eyes. My brother is Andrew. My brother was born a year after me. My mom gave him up shortly after. My mom is about thirty-four years old. The same is with my dad. My mom had one brother named Ronnie Scott. He is tall with black hair and brown eyes. He protects his family no matter the cost. Because of this he is very protective over me. He treats me like I am delicate. So I do every thing I can to prove that I am not delicate at all. I want to drive a truck and I would much rather wear shorts and a t-shirt. I even cuss. I act like I don’t care what people think about me. Carolyn is tall and blond. She is beautiful and has given Ronnie three beautiful sons. Carolyn is pregnant with a fourth right now. The four boys manes are (from oldest to youngest): Lane, Brodie, Walker, and Auto. My mom is married to a man named Gary Devault. He is the devil himself. I used to live with him, mom, and Crissa. He brain washed them into believing that my moms family is bad and evil. My sister was too young to know any different. But my mom, she has no excuse. He would beat and sexually abuse me. My mom knew about it all too. My moms mother’s name is Rhonda Scott. She is about fifty-five years old. She is my grandma but if you call her that she feel old. So I just call her Meme. Meme was married to Raymond. When my mom was nine years old her, Ronnie, Meme, and Raymond went out on the Missouri river. Everyone had a life jacket but Raymond. Meme, mom, and Ronnie had to watch him die. My mom was really close to him. So it messed her up a lot. Now she has guy issues. She cant pick any good guys. Usually she ends up picking the druggies/alcoholics, convicts, rapists, and abusers. Gary was the worst. He was abusing me and my mom. He would beat my mom physically and emotionally. He would abuse me physically, emotionally, and sexually. Right now he is on trial for sexually abusing one of his actual daughters. My sister was his favorite child because he could control her. Crissa is the most perfect little girl in the world. Who could ever hate her? My dad was another mistake. He sold, bought, and used drugs. He is also an alcoholic. They met when my mom was like fifteen years old. One time Ronnie lived with my mom and dad. He loved to get drunk and beat up my dad. Dad got fed up one night when he was babysitting me. So my dad stabbed Ronnie a lot. The only reason Ronnie survived was because he is so strong. Dad went to prison for a bit and is now a felon. Meme has a few issues herself. She is a perfectionist. If something is not perfect then she has to get rid of it. She did that with Ronnie, mom, and me. She shuts down instead of dealing with her problems. Yea, I know I see the irony. Meme has a dog named Tinkerbell. She likes to pretend Tinkerbell is her dog. But everyone knows she is really my dog. Meme has a mom named Marilyn Canaday. I just call her Grandma tho. She is a whole head shorter than me. She has red hair and hazel eyes. Grandma was married to Ronald Canaday. He died October 9, 2016. He was tall with curly white hair and brown eyes. Grandpa was a police officer and a detective and the police chief in both Platte city and Kansas city. He ruled with a fair iron fist. Besides Meme, Grandma had two other kids named Lisa and Earl Canaday. Lisa is the second oldest. She works at AT&T with Meme. She has one son named Mathew. He is married to a girl named Allie. They have one son named Cooper. Earl is not married and has no kids.

    In 2008, my mom married Gary. Before she married him, me and mom and Crissa moved around a lot. We moved about every six months. But the places we lived were always safe to live in. We always had a bed. After she married him we moved every three months. Sometimes we just lived in the houses that Gary cleaned out for money. But he always stole the copper. Which I believe is illegal. Sometimes the places were safe. But most often they were not. Sometimes we didn’t even have food to eat. I moved in with Meme a year later due to Gary’s abuse. I have always felt bad about moving because I didn’t want my sister to become the subject of the abuse. If any thing happened to her it would be all my fault. Every thing with Meme was good for a little bit. A couple of years. But then I started to do stupid things and act a lot like my mom. When I was twelve years old I lost my virginity. I regret it. I did it with a Mexican guy named Pedro that I met on Facebook. He was eighteen years old. Meme caught us and got him deported back to Mexico. Meme kicked me out for the first time. Because I lost my virginity so early I don’t see myself as pure. I am dirty. I don’t deserve what every one else does. Virgin deserve happy, beautiful lives. They are pure and good. I am not good. I am not pure. After Meme kicked me out I went to Synergy. Synergy is a place- it’s like a therapy house. If you are homeless or kicked out you can go there for help. They help you with therapy, housing, glasses, food, etc. I left and Meme put me in foster care. She thought she was protecting me. But she was wrong. Foster care is the worst you can do to a child. Foster care is brutal. You never know where you are going to sleep the next day. Nobody cares about foster kids. You move from one place to the next. But there are perks to being a foster. You get Christmas gifts, gift cards for clothing, and money for college. But that is it. I moved in with the Bradley family. The mom is Chandra Bradley. The dad is Earl Bradley. They have many kids. But only one lives with them. His name is Chaundavion Bradley. He is a sixth grader. The Bradley family is african american. They adopted two siblings. One is a third grade boy named Sal. The sister is an eighth grade girl named Nikkie. There was another foster girl named Navada. She is still there. After I went to the Bradley family, the foster people found my dad. Yippee! He lives in a three bedroom house with his grandmother, parents, and his brother. The grandmother is a hoarder. So there is stuff every where. Also his brother and his parents have to live in the basement. There were roaches every where. Dad is still a druggie and an alcoholic. He is still in love with my mom. SO he would get drunk and rape me, thinking I was her. I moved out after six months. I moved in with Meme again. I dated a guy named Sid. He worked at river roll. We had sex and broke up. I took a guy’s virginity. I regret making him unpure. He started stocking me. That was when I fell in love. His name was Jackie Lee Sanstra. He is tall with black hair and brown eyes. He is perfect. He was sweet. And smart. He could do great things in art class. He was a great boyfriend. He thought of you. In turn you couldn’t stop thinking of him. Before him all the guys I dated were just for fun. But Jackie made you feel real things. He made you feel like you were the most important girl in the world. With him you could feel true love. But it went both ways. He may have shown you what true love felt like but he also showed you what true pain was. I could go on and on about him. But the truth is if I told you every thing you would think he was a bad guy. But Jackie wasn’t. He was a male who knew what love and pain was. And he used it to get exactly what he wanted when he wanted. In the end he helped me learn how to open up. But after he opened me up he left me there broken. I didn’t need any body before him. Now I do need a guy, but only physically. I had a heart before him. Now all I have is a black whole. To be loved is to be broken. And to love is to break that person. I was loved.
    Meme then kicked me out again. I went to another foster home. The family was the Verner’s. It was bad. I moved in with Mama Chandra again. That’s where I am now. I have done stupid things here. There was a guy named Will Ash. He is tall and blond. His hair is really curly. He is a fucking god in bed. After we broke up he acted like an ass whole. He is fine physically. But emotionally he is untouchable. He is like me in a lot of ways. Emotionally I am untouchable. We have a lot in common. There will always be a part of me that will love Will. No matter how much I try to deny it. The same with Jackie. I will always love Jackie and Will, no matter how much I deny it to those around me. The heart wants what the heart wants. Even if all you really want to do is cut it out of your chest just to stop the agony.

    • Just read this. Sounds like life has dealt you a hard hand there. If you want to talk more about this, privately, I’m here. Hang in there. I’m a bit older than you, but we have some commonalities. You can get through this, because if I can, ANYONE can. 🙂

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