For a long time, I’ve battled who I am versus who Luna is. It sounds weird because we are technically the same person, but we are definitely different parts.
I have a lot of pain in my past; for most of you here, it’s the same too, that’s why we’re all searching for something positive that can make a difference. Recently, I moved back to England. I haven’t been home for 20 years and it’s now time for me to release all the fear, all the hurt, all the pain and is it to help others. You can judge me however you so feel but it will not change the past, or how I’m going to use it to help others move through their situations. Pain makes us who we are, and teaches us how to appreciate things that matter the most in life.
2017 is about release, surrendering my burdens to the universe, and stabilizing my life. Releasing means really releasing the pain, not just burying it so far deep that I can’t find it. And I can’t stabilize unless I put down some of the weight I’ve been carrying. Stability means getting out of debt and building something sustainable for the future.
Coming back home means something far more than a migration to me. Trinidad and Tobago represented everything bad that ever happened. Now this is not be to confused with thinking that I ran away from my problems in Trinidad. In some way you can say that I did, but rather, it was running towards a solution, and getting away from the people who fueled the painful situations in the first place. I’ll get into this rationale in another post.
My first step was to establish a support system. Having people around you who genuinely care about your success is important. Letting go of the people who were responsible for your situation or who played a part in it, is the next step. You can’t move on or start healing if you have to bury your pain deeply enough just to coexist. You have to get as far away from them as possible. Coexistence during healing isn’t real healing.
I’ve finally gotten a job and just want to settle down for a bit. I’ve spent so long moving house, changing jobs, and now a migration. For once, I just want to stop, breathe, and take in the world around me. I’ve always dreamt of a fast paced life, but having had it, I can safely say, I’d rather just get a little cottage somewhere and live quietly with half a dozen cats.
If I were to say that I’m depression or anxiety free, I’d be lying. I’ve battled with both from the age of nine and continue to. I would say that I’ve gotten better with identifying the triggers, but they are still there, and it still affects me. Meditation seems to be the only thing that helps right now.
My healing journey has only just begun. I’m happy that I’m able to share this with you and maybe help you in some way.